I think I spent most of my life expecting the wrong things out of a mother. (mom I know you don’t like being called mother but I sound more intelligent if I say the word mother in that sentence ha)
Ok but really, I thought a mom should be someone who taught me how to do my make-up perfectly.
I thought a mom should be someone who asked me who I had a crush on.
I thought a mom was someone who talked to me about the drama-filled life of a teenager.
I thought a mom was someone who let me do what I wanted when I wanted to.
I thought a mom should be my best friend and my disciplinarian.
After spending all my life with the wrong expectations, I missed out on seeing how much my mom was ... THE MOM (like ‘the man’ but THE MOM...boom)
I don’t know when it hit me, but all of a sudden I was able to reflect on all the AMAZING ways my mom was the best representation of a mother that I could ask for.
Maybe it was the time that I found out her love language was acts of service.
Maybe it was the time that I decided to go on an 11 month journey with the Lord that would knock out every once of pride I carried in my life.
Maybe it was the moment my mind switched from adolescent to (semi) adulthood.
Either way, now I look back and see how my mom has been, loving me through numerous acts of service over and over again. And never acts of service for recognition. I have never in my whole life met a more self-less person.
I have realized that... a mom is someone who lets your child know that you believe in them.
A mom is someone who points you on to the right path even if you may not understand right away.
A mom is attempting to make it to every sporting event you have ever had.
A mom is pushing you to do good in school because they want the best future for you.
A mom is going to parent teacher conferences and taking notes.
A mom is staying up until 4am reading Where The Red Fern Grows to you because you were 8 chapters behind.
A mom is someone who asks how your day was, EVERYDAY in high school, even if the response is always the same...”Fine.”
A mom is not giving you money every time you ask so you can grow up with a sense of responsibility.
A mom is someone who stays up all night to finish your quilt for your dorm room before your leaving for college.
A mom is someone who still teaches you how to drive after nearly killing her on a turn.
A mom is taking pictures of you on the first day of school every year so you can look back on them later and remember.
A mom is giving you chores and expecting you to do them, so you can learn how important work ethic is.
A mom is someone who does not let her daughter go to someone’s house without knowing the parents, because she knows what the world is capable of.
A mom is pouring vinegar on your sunburn after a 3 day long soccer tournament.
A mom is someone who punishes you for mouthing off so you learn how important respect and authority is.
A mom is someone who never lets her children see their father and her fight. (or maybe she just never fights with him, either was we never saw it)
A mom is putting notes in every pocket of your bags when you travel or go college.
A mom is someone who holds her husbands hand in the car so you can see what love should still be like after 25+ years of marriage.
A mom is telling you that you can’t be alone with a boy at 15 years old because she wants the best for you.
A mom is someone who has her Bible by her night stand.
A mom is someone who can get that overdraft charge off no matter what the bank says... and she does do it! EVERY TIME! haha
A mom is crawling in bed with you.
A mom is someone who charges you gas money for every mile she drives you when you start taking advantage of her, so you can learn how to appreciate people.
A mom is someone who never talks bad about anyone around her.
A mom is making you walk laps around the house when you back-talk, one, to teach you there are consequences to your actions and two, to give you some daily cardio.
A mom is someone who lets you give her advice on dressing and even lets you pick out jeans to try on she doesn’t want to.
A mom is someone who waits for every child to get home from college to decorate the Christmas tree.
A mom is someone who still hides Easter Eggs around the yard, they may be modified from candy to money but never-the-less.
A mom is someone who sends Easter Eggs to her roommate in college to hide for me on Easter.
A mom is someone who lets you think you found true love even when she think differently, but allow you find your own path and trusts God to reveal it to you.
A mom is someone who fills your gas tank up every time you go somewhere when you get home from college because she knows you need it and would not ask.
A mom is crying when you leave even if it’s for a week.
A mom is someone who always tells you how beautiful you are.
A mom is leading girl scouts for 6 years to be a part of your life.
A mom is being the joy and hope into every situation.
A mom is someone who never stops. Someone, who after a heart attack and people start telling her ‘she can’t’ pushes through and ‘she did’. Someone who shows you that with God you can do anything.
A mom is someone who trusts the Lord so much to let her only daughter leave for a year and stand behind her every step of the way, organizing finances, sending out newsletters, checking every blog she writes, being her prayer warrior, sending her family updates, and sending her e-mails just to let her know she is loved and not forgotten.
THAT is my mom. Not all mothers look the same but I am proud for how my mom looks and without her... I would not be who I am today.
So, mama, even though I am not there with you now, I want to formally say Thank You for being the that mom for me. And on top of that, for Josh and Jonathan, and on top of that... loving every one of our friends that walked through our front door. (ok, let’s be honest no one but the mail man uses the front door, soooooo garage door)
I feel so blessed to have been raised by Mother Teresa. Happy Mother’s Day!
Month one Philippines quote: “I run from any leadership as much as possible, unless it’s last resort.”
Month eight, Guatemala reality: Well, it’s not the last resort, but here I am found in a leadership position. Yes, it’s true, my race will look much different these last three months, and I can say honestly that I am so excited about it. My whole life people have tried to put me in leadership and I hunker back and count on someone else to step up. Now, I am the new team leader of an all girls team of 6. To say, the moment my squad leaders presented the idea to me that I was excited and ready to go would be a lie. God had to break me down and make crystal clear this where I am to be.
What I did know, is that if I said yes, I would leave 5 of the members on my current team. I knew that I may have to learn a totally different kind of reliance of God, and that I couldn’t hide anymore.
Why Beauty From Ashes?
Well everyone has Ashes right? Mine was ‘Ashes of Comparison’. Each one of us girls has Ashes we had to overcome on the race or Ashes we went through during the race and now... these last three months, we believe that God is going to reveal the beauty from all our Ashes through each other.
What does this mean now?
I need, we need, your prayer. This team switch towards the end of the race is hard. It would be easy to not push for growth but we all know God is calling us not to give up yet. To finish the race he laid out for us. I, specifically ask for your prayers, I don’t want to be weighed down by this new role so much that I lose myself. The best leader I know I can be is by being who I am. I need your support, prayers and words of affirmation. I am looking forward to keeping you all updated the rest of these last three months!!
Currently I am:
In Guatemala for Womanisty month (woman ministry). 22 of us woman are together at a hostel in Guatemala working at a retirement home, orphanage, and teaching scripture based character development in schools. We just finished 8 month debrief, where all these new changes occurred, and ministry started today.
Fun news:
I AM IN MY STATE´S TIME ZONE! WHOOP!
AND we were at JKF airport on the way here to Guatemala, can I just say how strange is was to be in the States again but not going home??? Hanging in there.
Romania, was the one country I did not want to go to, I had been there already, and now it takes the place in my heart as one of my favorite thus far on the race.
God is good, here is the ministry from that month.
I wanted the video to reflect all the joy I felt there, so this video is more upbeat!
Enjoy!
I have not blogged lately and that is because I have been going through a few realizations since I got to Croatia. Time to share them.
I have missed living in a world where I pick who I want to spend my time with, where I choose my own friends. But here is the thing, part of coming on the race, means you have to buy into community and through that you have to buy into loving people the way Jesus calls us to, whether you would normally chose to be around them or not. I think a lot of us girls on Ruach knew something was wrong in the air, complacency has taken it’s spot in the diver’s seat and we were heading off the edge quick.
Then tonight, we finally had a moment to hash it out as women. We skipped the prayer meeting with the church and instead I suggested we worship and pray together. The emotions poured out. We prayed and prayed and asked for forgiveness from each other for feelings we stored up against one another. It was really long but worth it. I had a huge revelation. As I was sitting there thinking about how exhausted I am. In month eight of the race... over community, over worrying all the time how everyone is doing, how I can serve other people, how I can be intentional with my teammates, and in general, over loving so hard that is makes me feel burned out. I started reassuring myself that it was ok to feel burned out, sometimes we need to step back to relax. I realized THAT is wrong. Of course, only after God smacked me in the face.
“Do you not think that it hurt Jesus to love the way He did? It was hard, loving that way is exhausting, and to lose is to gain. The more you feel like you lose yourself through loving others the closer you get to loving like Jesus.”
It was interesting. I was ready to give up just when I was capturing what loving like Jesus is like. Loving is hard.
“Love until your hands and feet bleed.”
Now this is where the story pushes me to some serious humility....
That quote came to mind, ironically. . . ok not really so ironic considering I look at it daily... I have that quote tattooed on the arch of my foot... Now, I often times look at the tattoo on my foot and think to myself.... WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING, THAT CRAP IS PERMANENT!
As I am sitting at the table facing my teammates, contemplating the irony of this tattoo, that speaks of hard love, not a stick-on tattoo but rather one that was never coming off, never ever, ever, ever... I hear God laughing and telling me, “Well that is what happened when you chose to follow me, my love was tattooed on your heart and it’s permanent, that doesn’t mean it comes easy, that some days you aren’t going to wonder what you got yourself into, but it’s always there, and now look at what you tattooed on your body... love these people even when it hurts... until your hands and feet bleed because that is what I did for you.”
It’s funny that when I got the tattoo I thought how awesome the quote was, and it is, it still is. However, I remember wishing later I had a stronger tie to it than just... oh sweet, love always. I figured, shoot if I was going to look at it all the time it should at least mean something very personal and convicting to me personally. So I started praying for that. That God would somehow make this tattoo come to life.
Well, needless to say, it’s alive. I realized that at this time of my life, especially the race, when I am worn down, exhausted from trying to love people and love people good that my hands and feet may not be bleeding but let’s just say they are definitely bruised, and for that, I am thankful.
More to this story later when God clearly reveals more to me... look out for the blog, not sure when it will be, in God’s timing. : )
There comes a point in our walk with Christ that we have to ask ourselves if we are trying to live a life of faith or a life of sanctification and holiness. It’s a tricky thing to think about because at first glance we should strive for all of those things. However there are times that our choice to to be surrendered to Christ is based off of our wanting to gain sanctification and personal holiness. That is where the problem lies. It becomes motivated by our person benefits. This topic is brought up numerous times in my Devotional, Utmost for His Highest, and the good ‘ol Oswald gives an example of that... “I’m going to give myself to God because I want to be delivered from my sin, because I want to be made holy.” He goes on to say, “Our motive for surrender should not be for our own personal gain, being delivered from sin and being made holy is a result of being right with God.”
That is where I struggle in my walk for Christ. I feel like I need to reach this ‘bar’ of Christianity and so I fight and fight and fight and for what purpose? To reach that bar? Through those battles I have thinking I should be in a certain place spiritually results in a series of mountaintop experiences, which leads for inconsistency and exhaustion in my walk.
As, I just finished that last word of the sentence above, I realized how perfect it is that I used the word ‘walk’. Walking is even paced, and consistent, you don’t get weary and when you walk you can go that furtherest for the longest amount of time. I believe I have made my ‘walk’ with Christ a run. A run up those mountaintops and back down, and then back up, then find myself exhausted and disheartened.
So some food for thought... maybe this life of sanctification and holiness we have all been told to obtain is really, and truly a life of faith. “Living a life of faith is means never knowing where you are being led, but loving and knowing the ONE who is leading you.”
I lately have been at a strange amount of peace with my relationship with Christ. I think at the beginning of my ‘Race’ I was, quite literally ‘racing,’ and now, that I am at rest in who I am in Christ my ‘race’ has turned into a ‘walk.’ (I purpose they change the name to THE WORLD WALK )And through that, I find myself taking in the small things God does for me in the day. I take joy in small moments that I feel God romancing me as his daughter and love of His life. What a testimony to faith when a person stops expecting their faith to be built ofn HUGE moments of God yelling in their face to hearing God’s gentle whisper and trusting in His time of sanctification in your life, one small step at a time, the closer you get in your life of faith.
I catch myself naturally operating in a way that is pleasing to Christ rather than wondering all the time if I am doing God’s will. Here’s the catch with that...
John 17:22 “That they will be one just as We are one.”
“When we stop short of our true desire in prayer and say, “Well I don’t know if this is God’s will,” then we still have another level to go.”
“When you have the right standing relationship with God, you have a life of freedom, liberty and delight, you ARE God’s will.” (WHHHHHATTT crazy thought right!)
Think about that word delight...
The first verse that pops into my head when I see that verse is, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Often times, that verse is misinterpreted. God is not going to give you, YOUR desires of your heart when you delight in Him.
HIS DESIRES NATURALLY BECOME YOUR DESIRES WHEN YOU DELIGHT IN HIM.
“That they will be one just as We are one.”
Short Update:
I was in Bulgaria for only two weeks because our contacts had previous plans, which we were sad about because Nasko and Eireen were amazing, I we loved their family! We did classes in English at the School and helped with a Scouts program. The city we were in was Hisarya. THAT TOWN is fasinating. It was part of Roman territory so there is still ruins all over the place. So far, one of my favorite town we have been in.
NOW.... drum roll!!!!!!!!
We are in Croatia. So this is exciting for a few reasons, one, now many racers have been here, BAM. Two, we were not planning on going here. AND THREE, we will be here for a month and a half, due to leaving our last country early. We are in Slavonski Brod working with a church plant here and helping fix things up, and help at a Christian internet cafe.
Last month we were in Romania, HENCE the title of this blog ; p. I'm a dork.
Anyway, it WAS AMAZING! I liked the ministry but I think what really captured my heart by this place was the people. They brought us in and made us feel like family. It really challenged me to think about how I welcome new people around me at home, because honestly, it makes or break an experience.
PHOTO BLOG to sum it up.... starting with a picture of the train I fell off of and got stuck in four feet of snow... my grand entrance... one of a kind.
moving right along... here is where we were-
Last time I was in Romania, I was in Lipova and this time I was more south. When we would tell people where we were staying everyone from the North would ask us, WHY?! Apparently, it is not a popular place to be. Even the train workers would shake their heads at us. It is strange because the repuataion of the people in this area is not good. Where's a better place to start a ministry then, right?! SO our contacts are winning this village over to the Lord. Thanks to Pastor Raul for stepping out in faith 8 years ago and now has an amazing established group of missionaries from Canada, Germany, and Romania.
Task number one: GET WARM! IT WAS FREEZING when we first got there so of course, like World Race style, we found the closest secondhand store...conviently a block away. Thanks God. We picked up some real gems there.
So the quality of this picture is bad, really bad. But I needed to put it in for a few reasons. One, look at my outfit... haha, That cold ain't got nuthin on me!! Two, this box behind me is one the best inventions ever, besdies the microwave. THIS FOLKS is what I liked to call, "The coffee red box, where you don't have to return the coffee."
Ok, so it is a box, and you put 1 lei, .30 cent USD, and choose your poison, and that fresh (yes surprisingly fresh!) espresso and steamed milk come right out in under a minute. IT even comes with foam and a stir stick. Magical right?
ALL except... full of BPA, minor detail in my opinon.
This is not just a once and awhile occurance photo op. In fact, this is the main form of transportation in Draganesti. Gas per gallon was like $9 USD.
Shoot, I'd be taking a house too if that was the case at home.
We did numerous things with Hope Church in Draganesti. It was nice to have freedom to choose. Whether, shoveling a freakishly massive amount of snow, logistics in the office, after school program, cleaning the church, Saturday kids program, kids club throughout the week, visiting widows, evangelism, or teaching english classes. On top of that, we had intercessory prayer every morning at 9 and each day we had a new couple in the ministry who would come and tell us their testimony, it truly made all the different. We were able to fully capture the vision of the ministry.
Here is some eye candy so you have a feel of my month.
This is a Bible Study Marian(thank her for 80% of my photos) and I lead with two of the ministry contacts, in a village called Coteana. We taught them a song and did a lesson on King Solomon.
This was the Saturday kids program Kristen and I were a part of during this month. We worked with a couple from Canada. Michelle, taught them how to cook and did Bible lessons with them. It is beautiful to see the love they see from her. I feel so blessed to have been able to be a part of it.
We worked with a lady named Dorthy, who is also from Canada. Once a month she takes food and supplies to windows in the area, so she invited us to go shopping with her and to their homes. Dorthy was just a joy to be around. I especially found my time precious with her because she reminded me so much of my amazing mama.
This is one of the widows we visited.
Rachel and I taught english class everyday at the church. Pastor Raul was excited to see some people attend that normally would not even set foot in the church. This ministry was really special to me. I can't explain the connection we both got with these guys, despite the language barrier. Many of them bought me flowers and gifts on my birthday, I was so humbled and felt so loved! (one more picture next)
We did many performances during morning and evening church services on Sunday. We did two skits, sang numerous songs, and shared testimonies.
You know, speaking in public is a lot easier when you have time to breath and think between translations.
Carboard testimony night at church. We all wrote a lie we used to believe about ourselves and then on the other side we wrote the truth Christ tells us. It was an amazing moment even for us all to reflect on our past and how God has redeemed us.
So the sad detail about our ministry is that about half of our contact felt week 2 because of a planned trip to the UK for fundraising. Although it was only week two, we were all crushed! SO we decided to honor them with a performance. In case you didn't know the famous youtube video- Numa Numa, is a Romania song, so we choregraphed the song with signs saying 'We will miss you!' and performed it for them with a dessert bar after. They were laughing so hard, so I think it was a success. (Numa video is progess for be on the look out)
This is Marian, his wife Andrea and the cutest child ever, Naomi. Every Sunday the church people would invite us over for lunch. It was a learning process because the first time I went to their house for dinner they served soup, but I didn't realize that the soup was a first course. Oops. Apparently that is how it works in Romania, good to know. We also got to meet Marian's mother, Mama Ana, who taught several of us how to cook Romanian meals such as sarmale(basically cabbage rolls) and ardei (stuffed peppers).
ROADTRIP to Brasov, Romania to see....
DRACULA'S CASTLE.
It was quite the experience, nice hostel, beautiful scenery, and to top it off, an actual car. It was so strange to be riding in something other than a big bus/train/plane/van. I LOVED IT! It made me remember back to when I drove myself around places, ohh the days.
These are some of the pictures on our crazy adventure! I also went to my first IKEA EVER, in Bucharest... it's like a candyland for adults.
LAST PART of this photo blog includes pictures from my Birthday!! (March 1st in case you did not know). It was amazing. I woke up to flowers and a computer right outside my door with a PUSH PLAY note. It was a wonderful video Jamie made me of my team now, Ruach and my old team, Nikao, saying why they love me. I cried. (See video below) OH! That was after Marian made me yummy crepes for breakfast in bed. My team decorated the ENTIRE house (which the house we were living in was an old bus station, so it was impressive). I had my name in huge letters in the kitchen, a beautiful sign that said, "He Delights in You." Beautiful tissue flowers hanging from windows and on the table.I told them my mom would have been so proud because she loves decorating for my birthday. Then all day, I kept getting small gifts and I would come home to cards and more decorations. It was amazing! Jamie also got my birthday dinner recipe from my mom and surprised me with it for dinner! Then Peter made my birthday cake.
P.S. all day on the first of March, men were giving women flowers because March is woman's month so everytime I walked around the town I was getting flowers, I just pretended that it was for my birthday! Here is a picture of me and some politcians that gave me a BIRTHDAY flower.... I wonder how they knew it my birthday?! : p
SORRY this blog was so long but I have had a hard time trying to explain Romania. From a month that I was not very excited about to one of my favorites thus far. It was really hard leaving everyone that last day at the train station with Mihi and Tavi dropping us off, that is for sure. Not to mention it made it physically hard to leave with all my winter clothes... my pack was 10 pounds heavier and I could barely fit through the train doors!
Bonus glimpse of my Birthday Video from my teams and a added extra of my actual Birthday.
Okay, okay, I'm just teasing, I did not shave my head, but what if I did?! haha, sorry sorry, I just wanted to get your attention BECAUSE this video is an eye opener and I think you all should get a taste of the reality of AIDS/HIV from my month in Swaziland that I just made.
So you may be wondering why the title of this blog... well that is because it is true. The month in Swaziland was just that. The gutters caught rain and dumped in a huge holder and that is what we showered with, drank, washed dishes, and cleaned with.......EVERYTHING. Thank you God that there was a CRAZYYYYYYYY downpour for four days so the water lasted until we left. Check out our living situations this month.....
HELLLLOOOOOOO, SOOOOOOO I totally forgot to post it video... it is my fun one from South Africa, month 3 in November. BUT I am sure you will enjoy it. : )
If you are wondering who this lovely lady is in all my fun videos sharing in my adventures, check her out! Jamie Smith (click)!
Another delightful episode of Jamie and Kat's adventures.
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